Life...or something like it...
I wonder sometimes what it is my life is supposed to look like…then I get a fright when I realize that my life looks exactly as it should given what I’ve done with it to date. Then I spend a moment feeling sorry for myself and then I shake my head and move on.
Though I’m certainly aware that I have the power to change my life supposing I so choose…well, it’s easier said and believed than truly believed and done…at least this is my experience thus far. I just can’t get past the part where I need to be able to pay my bills – the need for the illusion that, at least w/my job, I’ll be able to do that for the foreseeable future. I know the foreseeable future is as much an uncertainty as walking off that cliff but…still, my fear binds me, at least for the moment. I don’t mean to sound resigned but I know myself well enough to know I’m not ready, for whatever reason, to take action…at least not drastic action. Goes against my nature, I suppose…
posted by Chipper Dip @ 4:56 PM
1 comments
1 Comments:
I think that life, here and now, is exactly as it "should" be. I think that it is the product of more than just what I've done. Rather the product of what my friends, my family, my government, my society, stretching back through the generations to the dawn of time have done. I think life, this world in which we live, is an extention of all of us - our hopes and dreams, our successes, our failures, and our beliefs. Looking too long at one aspect of one life causes me to lose focus on the beauty of the tapestry as a whole - a single point on a single thread is rather boring and unattractive when taken out of context.
The interesting thing to me is that no matter whether I am afraid and feel inadequate to a situation or supremely confident and capable, the results, in the world around me are largely beyond my control. I simply focus on doing my best to show up for whatever life throws me every day. If I can find someone to help, even in the smallest way, I can forget, for a moment the maelstrom inside my head and proceed without fear.
I no longer spend a lot of energy planning for the future. Rather, I wake up everyday and show up, to the best of my ability, for the adventure that is life every day. I listen to my inspiration more and more and it has led me without fail to what I "should" be doing moment to moment, hour to hour, and day to day.
RCS
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