Flabbing (yes flabbing!) in the breeze...

I had a great first line all set up for this and now I can’t even recall what it was I was planning on talking about here. Typical…I really should write these things down when they occur to me. I’ve spent the last several hours trying to get my brain to offer it up again but it seems to be permanently buried…sigh…

My big news is that I’m wearing a sleeveless shirt in public (public public as opposed to family/friends public)…wasn’t originally in my plans for the day but a wardrobe crises this morning sort of forced the issue. I have a co-worker who I must reluctantly admit has been an inspiration to me in this matter. It has been years on years since I voluntarily bared my upper arms outside my own home and the occasional family gathering but now, I have decided to give up this particular inhibition. With the possible exception of any event at which one might expect to find a camera…you too could be seeing my flabby upper arms…aren’t you the lucky one eh? At least I get to be a little more comfortable in my own skin…huzzah for me ;-)…and that’s ultimately all that really matters as far as I’m concerned!

I’m so tired of giving under the weight of my society’s disapproval…such crap! I’m tired of ugly fabrics covered in hideous patterns, of walking into stores knowing there is nothing there that will fit me, of the constant sort of anxiety/resentment over what ‘one size fits all’ is supposed to mean when it certainly doesn’t fit me, of the idea that, because I’m significantly overweight, I don’t deserve nice clothes, of the assumption that because I don’t fit the usual pattern there must be something pitiable/detestable about me.

There’s a kind of appeal in not fitting the mold, I won’t be denying that, but I’m not recommending this particular method. It costs too much when it comes down to it. I’m 29 years old and my knees are already starting to hurt, my back aches every day, I’m tired almost all the time, and I can’t climb the 2 flights of stairs to my apartment without getting out of breath even though I go up and down them more than once a day. People talk about hiking or camping or white water rafting and the first thing I think rather than ‘oooo that sounds fun!’ is either, ‘I don’t think I could survive/enjoy that’ or ‘do they even make wet suites in my size?’ or (perhaps more importantly) ‘could I live with being seen in a wet suit?’ even one that fits me?...No, this particular avenue to non-conformity is no bargain at any price. Trust me on this, just in case it’s something you’ve been considering – if the devil is in the details, he’s in heaven over this one…