The whole vegetarian thing: going pretty well with the exception of a couple meals served to me by people I love and have no wish to offend and one possible (though not confirmed) fall off the wagon on Halloween. I’m finding it remarkably easy, all things considered and the whole project has accomplished something I’ve never been able to do in the past – that is, giving up fast food (for the most part). There just aren’t that many fast food places that offer appetizing things without meat…had a couple days last week where I was desperate for a hamburger but have overcome the urge and am now doing just fine. Went through my freezer and am now meat free there as well. I still have a few canned items with meat in them – they will be donated at some point…as a side note – I’ve also lost somewhere around 7 lbs over the course of this experiment and I actually think I’ve been eating more than I used to so that’s an unexpected bonus. On the down side, I seem to have taken up smoking again for some unknown reason…I have resolved not to buy another pack once the current one has been exhausted…we’ll see how that goes…
Work and all that crap: still working at the same lousy place but there have been some developments…we’ve now lost 8 people in the last 3 months (keeping in mind this was only a 32 person office to begin with) including most of the accounting department…hmmm…very interesting…also, the owner has canceled his corporate country club membership (owned by the company) and has purchased a private one (owned by himself) somewhere else…oh, and, he’s selling his boat (owned by the company) and is buying another boat (to be owned by himself), there appear to be no plans to replace the sales manager, and he and the COO are- at this moment -in San Francisco on some mysterious mission (there is a very large company doing what we do who is interested in getting into the market in our area that just happens to be based in…yeah-San Francisco), and this is all adding up to something indicating a layoff in my near future…at worst, I’ll no longer be working here (not a tragedy) or anywhere (somewhat panic-inducing)…at best, I could be making more money sitting at the same desk I currently occupy, no longer working for that psychotic control freak bitch doing what I’ve been doing for going on 4 year and still doing something I find little joy in…hmmm…well, so the situation hasn’t really changed much, eh? Except, without the bitch, it might be tolerable for awhile…not a train of thought I should entertain too seriously!
Other things: I’ve been thinking about it and can not come up with a way to talk about this without saying some things better left unsaid. So, I’m gonna say them anyway because it’s been on my mind and I feel the need to let some of it go. Enough to say I feel as though I could/may have already lost a friend I care for because the other half of his couple is so antagonistic to my family as to have sent a truly ugly (chock full of notably untrue accusations) letter to sever her relationship with my sister-in-law. I do not either make or relinquish friends easily so I find the whole mess a completely incomprehensible course of action. I don’t understand the motivation in seeking to destroy a friendship so thoroughly, nor do I understand the need to be so ugly about it while you do so. I certainly don’t understand breaking with people who (one hopes still) are of some importance to the guy she says she loves. She obviously feels herself to be most horribly misused though I have witnessed nothing fitting itself to that description-quite the opposite in fact. At any rate, it leaves a feeling of oily ickyness (I think I’m actually picturing tar pits) and a sense of having lost something important to me in all the muck. Not for her but for who she takes with her and I’m sad, I’m just sad about the whole thing-sad for myself, sad for my brother, my sister-in-law, my friends who are also affected and for my friend who I don’t believe I’ll see much more of. Things change, people change, relationships shift – I know this, expect it even – but I don’t think the change need be forced by such…vitriolic glee (and poorly written glee besides-I mean, damn-if you’re gonna write it down at least take the trouble to do it well-people will go over and over that shit and the least you can do is make it worth the reading). There was no need for it to come to this…or, maybe- and this is what saddens me the most- this was all it could come to given the personalities involved and, what’s more, maybe that is what feels like the biggest waste.
On the up side: Ummm…I had something in mind for this and now I can’t remember what it was…hmmm…well - I still have a place to live, food to eat, family and friends to love and a general sense that things will be alright so things can’t be too bad, right?
