And the Princess says...

A couple weeks ago now I decided that I need to actually schedule time for writing each day. I even went so far as to decide that I would get up an hour early before work and write then…this would serve a double purpose – get the writing accomplished and help me to stop being so consistently late to work (a side benefit I’m not terribly concerned about though it occurs to me it might be a better idea if I were). Spectacularly unsuccessful thus far (including the getting work at or before 8:00 am every weekday morning) – this plan is starting to seem flawed in some essential way I can’t quite pinpoint…unless it’s the absolute unwillingness of my morning self to drag herself out of bed even a moment before absolutely necessary (truthfully, to even do so before we’ve hit the rush-around-like-a-mad-monkey marker). Sigh…so, if not in the morning, then the evening right? Not so much.

Historically speaking, I do not have a good track record with sticking to appointments I make for myself for any reason for any time. I tend to be very much about what I feel like doing and not so much about what I’ve planned to do unless other people are involved…and even that isn’t always a guarantee of good behavior…whether this is a negotiable state is still a bit murky. Theoretically, I believe I can change this…in practice…the evidence doesn’t support the theory. This is not to say the theory is wrong…only insupportable…This cannot mean I can’t change the way I behave – again, I believe this despite a lifetime of evidence to the contrary. Life is change (I’m no princess, however precious I may be, and life, in my experience, isn’t so much painful as consistently unexpected in one way or another) so…I’m frustrated w/my apparent lack of enthusiasm around the whole change thing. I mean, I get so bored with the routine of things you’d think I’d have a more active interest in avoiding the familiar...or something. Okay, so I would…so I do.

The answer would seem to be to make a commitment to my own plans…and find the will to stick to them…or deny myself the freedom to change my mind on the whim of a brain determined to walk the mad-monkey path as often and enthusiastically as possible. Reasonably, mornings are the most uncluttered, easily altered part of the day. It’s highly unlikely I’ll be invited to do anything with anybody at that time of day…at least as long as I continue to sleep alone, or rather, sleep without the company of another human creature (cats don’t count…well, actually they do but they are remarkably easy about me doing whatever I want in the mornings without reference to them…except for…and…oh, never mind it’s not relevant – and yet I’ve made you read it anyway ;-). Cats aside, mornings are the best, least likely to be disturbed part of the day and so, the easiest timeframe into which the scheduling of writing will fit. So, will I do it? I want to…I believe I do and, at this moment, I absolutely do…the mad-monkey loving part of brain is gonna have to give some ground to the rest of us. Sounds good, even sounds like a plan, even sounds determined…not to piss on the party but (really I must)…we’ll see.