Boxes are ridiculously complicated

Very low on energy today – I slept fine and it should have been enough but I’d just as soon crawl back into bed as continue with my eyes open at this point. I’m half tempted to ask to leave work early, especially since I’ve already got a couple hours of overtime for the week. Unfortunately, it’s looking like I’ll really need the extra money on next week’s check so it’s the better (or at least more…something) choice to stick it out. This is what I hate about money and work. The hours have to be put in or the money doesn’t appear…horribly obvious thing to point out but, there it is. I actually sort of like what I’m doing these days. It has the benefit of being something I haven’t really done before (not a benefit in sight-thank the gods for that) and, as it happens, it’s an opportunity to learn all kinds of things about an industry I’ve never previously so much as wondered about…or had reason to, I suppose. Spent the whole morning and early afternoon redesigning, once again, a spreadsheet I do every day (which I actually enjoy, whatever complaints I may come up with to the contrary-Exel is a marvelous fun program, I don’t care what anyone says to the contrary). I think I’ve managed to integrate all the changes I’ve been asked to make but I still have to set up graphs to track the information visually…bleh…project for tomorrow…I am out of motivation to keep messing with it today (no matter how much fun it might be…or not). Cleaned up a few unrelated minor tasks as well…including this box stuff that seems to be becoming the beast-project that won’t stop uglifying itself exponentially…every end point just turns into another place from which to jump to something new and bigger…sigh…I begin to believe there simply is no actual end to it…like my field of walls upon which to bash my head. Perhaps it ought to be enough to say cardboard boxes are way more involved than I’ve ever had reason to appreciate before…hmmm…I suspect this is true for most things we take for granted but it continues to surprise me whenever I run into these sorts of experiences…I mean, I thought I knew everything once (what fun that was) and here I keep running in to things that are absolute mysteries (what fun that is). Whether this (the job, not the suspicion) ends up being useful for something other than income, I’ve yet to determine. Whether this (the suspicion, not the job) ends up being useful for something other than general impression, I’ve yet to determine. At any rate, all I meant to say is, I don’t feel much like doing any more work. Hence the blog entry and your glimpse into the fascinating world of office work as experienced by me. Mostly an uninteresting group of concerns that cease nattering at me as soon as I leave the office…which sort of makes me think writing these things at the office could be offering an inaccurate/skewed impression of my life and so, my responses to it. Spreadsheets seem terribly important while I’m at work and definitely not so when I’m elsewhere…hmmm. Course, cleaning house regularly seems like a great idea at about 1:00 am and pretty much never in the middle of day when it could actually get done…hmmm…now that I’ve said that…there might be something deeper driving that particular preference, eh?

And the Princess says...

A couple weeks ago now I decided that I need to actually schedule time for writing each day. I even went so far as to decide that I would get up an hour early before work and write then…this would serve a double purpose – get the writing accomplished and help me to stop being so consistently late to work (a side benefit I’m not terribly concerned about though it occurs to me it might be a better idea if I were). Spectacularly unsuccessful thus far (including the getting work at or before 8:00 am every weekday morning) – this plan is starting to seem flawed in some essential way I can’t quite pinpoint…unless it’s the absolute unwillingness of my morning self to drag herself out of bed even a moment before absolutely necessary (truthfully, to even do so before we’ve hit the rush-around-like-a-mad-monkey marker). Sigh…so, if not in the morning, then the evening right? Not so much.

Historically speaking, I do not have a good track record with sticking to appointments I make for myself for any reason for any time. I tend to be very much about what I feel like doing and not so much about what I’ve planned to do unless other people are involved…and even that isn’t always a guarantee of good behavior…whether this is a negotiable state is still a bit murky. Theoretically, I believe I can change this…in practice…the evidence doesn’t support the theory. This is not to say the theory is wrong…only insupportable…This cannot mean I can’t change the way I behave – again, I believe this despite a lifetime of evidence to the contrary. Life is change (I’m no princess, however precious I may be, and life, in my experience, isn’t so much painful as consistently unexpected in one way or another) so…I’m frustrated w/my apparent lack of enthusiasm around the whole change thing. I mean, I get so bored with the routine of things you’d think I’d have a more active interest in avoiding the familiar...or something. Okay, so I would…so I do.

The answer would seem to be to make a commitment to my own plans…and find the will to stick to them…or deny myself the freedom to change my mind on the whim of a brain determined to walk the mad-monkey path as often and enthusiastically as possible. Reasonably, mornings are the most uncluttered, easily altered part of the day. It’s highly unlikely I’ll be invited to do anything with anybody at that time of day…at least as long as I continue to sleep alone, or rather, sleep without the company of another human creature (cats don’t count…well, actually they do but they are remarkably easy about me doing whatever I want in the mornings without reference to them…except for…and…oh, never mind it’s not relevant – and yet I’ve made you read it anyway ;-). Cats aside, mornings are the best, least likely to be disturbed part of the day and so, the easiest timeframe into which the scheduling of writing will fit. So, will I do it? I want to…I believe I do and, at this moment, I absolutely do…the mad-monkey loving part of brain is gonna have to give some ground to the rest of us. Sounds good, even sounds like a plan, even sounds determined…not to piss on the party but (really I must)…we’ll see.