Do ever stop to consider...

Frustration fear
Uncertain anxiety
Summer heat
Office work
Owl's eye
Where will I go from here?
Where would I go?

Thank god it's Friday!

Does it matter?
Of course it matters.
Just…
Don’t talk about it,
Change
So…it doesn’t matter
Don’t be silly
Of course it matters

Waiting for more reading material sucks!

I’m having a hard time waiting to get my book orders from Amazon…it’s very frustrating. It would be less so if I had something I really wanted to read right now. I’ve got the newest Sharon Shinn but it’s not really grabbing me for some reason. Weird ‘cause it’s chock full of all the things I like…usually anyway. I think I’m on the dark fantasy trip at the moment – much rather read about dark magic…gothic type themes and that sort of thing than straight fantasy. Poor me…I suppose I could have just gone to the store but I know better than that. I should know better than to go to online bookstores too. I think I thought I was safe because the last time I was into that, I’d already bought everything I was interested in. There seems to have been a sort of explosion in Anita Blake type novels in the past couple years. The market suddenly woke up to the demand for these things. Laurell K Hamilton is one among many at this point. She may have been at it longer than anyone else but she’s certainly not alone anymore. All I can say is, thank god! Waiting 6 months for each new book would make me crazy. I don’t read as much as I used to but I’m going into a heavy reading phase and that needs books…I’d much rather indulge that obsession than the movie one – it seems more…educational or something…mind broadening maybe. Given the crap I tend to read, not all that mind broadening but, as I’ve maintained, there is an astounding amount of information in any book that’s well written even if the subject is somewhat less than the height of literary genius.

I wonder sometimes...

If nothing lives
That doesn’t die
And nothing is
That doesn’t live,
What comfort lies
So liberally spread
In common ground.

Finite moments
Bound by seeming infinity
Feel…hum-drum
A marker passes
Between then and after
The world shifts, infinity shrinks
And finite moments
Gain by perspective

Why must there always be
Something to say
Witty, sunny, silly
Where nothing need
Be said?
Sarcastic, realistic, optimistic
Imagine silence
…
Critical, hopeful, deceitful
Try saying nothing
…
Encouraging, condescending, commending
And see how it goes
…
Clever

And an old favorite, reworked yet again:

I saw destruction
Chemically induced
Revelations unlooked for
Wait…that was after
I saw a sign…fallen
Broken
Is this meaning or just
Circumstance?

Dreams of Mr. Darcy...

I have recently rediscovered Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen. I can’t say that it has ever previously made as much of an impression as it has this time around. To be fair, it made enough of an impression to be my favorite Jane Austen novel but not much more than that and Miss Austen has never (pardon me) really been one of my favorite authors. I like her work well enough...just not more than other things in general. This time, however, I am fascinated and I’m not really sure why. I picked up, entirely by accident, the movie version w/Keira Knightly probably a week or so ago and I really liked it so I decided to re-read the book – which I also liked – far more than I remember liking it before. Low and behold, the next time I’m in Barnes & Noble, they have the A&E/BBC version of it on sale (you know, the one w/Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy)…so prominently displayed as to be impossible to miss. So, I go ahead and buy that (to preserve the emerging pattern, of course) and watch it, enjoying it thoroughly as well…all 6 hours of it, plus extras. Apparently there is something in this story that I am ready to learn…or something, because I can’t seem to get away from it…neither do I particularly wish to. Thoughts generated are as follows:

1. I don’t believe that any woman of my acquaintance actually wants/needs to be saved. However, there is something appealing about the idea that one could be saved if one happened to need it. The thing about Mr. Darcy, is that – while he’s a world class ass for the greater portion of the story, he also does everything in his power to help our dear heroine, Miss Lizzy Bennett, when she really needs it…or at least when her sister really needs it…or something. Anyway, he loves Lizzy, despite her most vehement refusal of him, and without hope of that affection ever being returned, and still, he goes way out of his way to make it as better as possible - and refuses to take credit for it to make himself look good. Sigh…

2. The idea that everyone has the opportunity to find their perfect mate is too pleasing, too comforting, to relinquish without a struggle. I certainly want to believe that the person I’m meant to be with is out there – and, even if, by some chance, I don’t recognize him for what he is immediately, fate will ultimately draw us together in spite of ourselves, in spite of me. That is very comforting indeed. This story, if nothing else can be said for it (and really there’s plenty else), goes a long way towards supporting the notion and, in case you haven't filled in the blanks just yet, I'm all for that. Sigh…

Reality, of course, intrudes and I remind myself I don’t live anywhere near Jane Austen’s England, my life looks nothing like any of her heroines’ might and I certainly don’t have even the hope of that kind of civility making up any portion of my daily existence. Come to think of it, I’m not convinced I’d want that kind of civility making up a significant portion of my daily existence…but the thought of it is kinda tempting…more so than the prospect of the reality...hmmm...nevermind. For the moment, it’s enough for me that I’m all caught up in the lives of Miss Elizabeth Bennett and her Mr. Darcy (what is that man’s first name anyway??) and quite happy with it.