Summer in the mundane...

There’s a part of me that cringes at what I’m about to do. I just have to bitch a bit about my co-worker and then I’ll stop, I promise. I can hear the voices now – they’re telling me there’s no point in bitching about anything you’re not willing to do something about – yes, I know…just, shut up for a minute, k?
I cannot comprehend how some people remain employed despite the fact they can’t remember how to do the simplest tasks. Things that should be straightforward for anyone in an office environment seem to be something of a challenge for the particular person I’m referencing. She is virtually incapable of using the computer in any useful way, she seems to think that it’s a good idea to keep poking our boss in the eye and then saying bad things about his attitude, she consistently doesn’t do anything she’s suppose to do and when the rare day comes in which she actually works, nothing is done correctly…whatever – I can’t begin to understand what it is she’s trying to accomplish. She just asked me why she couldn’t open a PDF file in Word…I can’t even count the number of times I’ve explained this to her…sigh…bleh…okay, that’s enough for now…

On the brighter side – I finished the 6th Harry Potter book – very good, very sad – had me in tears for most of the last 100 pages or so. Aside from all the hype, this series is really an enjoyable experience and I recommend it to everyone across the board…if you like this sort of thing, that is. I keep running in to people who don’t like fantasy/fiction stuff. What’s wrong with these people?? Do you have so little imagination?? Wouldn’t you just love to be a witch/wizard?? I love the idea of a world full of magical things – even if it had to come with the bad stuff too. How much more interesting things would be, don’t you think? Though, I suppose, if our world looked like that, it would seem commonplace, no? Sigh…I think I love these things as much because this world is not like that as anything. I may have mentioned it before but I have a horror of the mundane…or, rather, a horror of the mundane being all there really is…what an awful thought!

Thank whatever powers that be that we've finally gotten a break from the damn heat!! (however brief) I have a $50 Xcel bill this month! (yes, I know, that's not that bad really but you're talkin' to some one who's used to paying something closer to $20 and that extra $30 just sucks!) Please let it rain for a couple more days??

Me-Centric Wedding review...

One would think I’d have lots and lots to say given the events of the past week but I find myself without inspiration as I begin here. My brother’s wedding was lovely and I couldn’t be happier with his choice. I think Cher is a remarkable match for him and a wonderful human being. Thank whatever gods you trust that he found her…or that they found each other. I am privileged to have the opportunity to call her friend and sister and my brother…well, whatever he did to earn this...hmmm, it must have been phenomenal. Anyway, it never ceases to amaze me when people find the courage to make the commitment to build a life together and I admire them greatly for taking the chance.
I think perhaps I may have overrated solitude? My nephew and his sisters asked me why I wasn’t married and whether there was anyone that I might marry…strange question to get from a 9, 7 and 5 year old respectively. I don’t remember which of them actually asked the question and I don’t think it really matters. The simplest answer, and the one I gave them, it that I haven’t met someone to whom I’d care to make that sort of commitment which is true but the truer answer is that I don’t really want to be married. Oh, it’s not marriage as an idea so much that puts me off as the things you have to go through to get to that point. Or, rather, the things I imagine one has to go through to get to that point…sigh…whatever. Solitude is easy, at least for me. For most of the past few years, it’s been a hell of a lot easier than the idea of having to fit another person and their friends and family and general concerns into my life.
What I need is someone who somehow understands and accepts my need to be lonely while also pulling me out of that loneliness when I need it. Someone that I don’t mind sacrificing some of that safety to…someone that convinces me it’s worth the risk, any risk, for the opportunity of knowing them. I just read that over and, as ever, it sounds incredibly selfish. It’s all about me and what I need, right? Maybe what I need is someone that compels me to make less selfish choices…hell, even that is more than a little me-centric, no?
Regardless, congratulations to Rob and Cher and heartfelt wishes for a long, full, messy, happy life together!

Maybe I'm not old enough to be in charge of my own checkbook...

Okay, so – let me tell you a little story. Imagine writing a check for $100.00…then, several days on, you hop online to check your account and you see this same check has cleared – good right? Except in this story, the check clears for $500.00. No big deal, take a deep breath – just call the bank have it fixed. Well, yeah, except you actually wrote the check for $500.00 and, no matter how hard you try convince them otherwise, they won’t do anything about it because, well – you wrote the damn check for $500.00! Almost any other month and this still wouldn’t be too much more than irritating – just take it out of savings, right? Yeah, right...oh, but I have no savings because I traded it all for 6 months of car insurance (seemed like the thing to do at the time - is this how Jack might have felt if the whole magic bean thing hadn't worked out?)…Yippee-skippee! On the bright side, my credit card is now paid off (and then some) and, if I somehow destroy my car, I have insurance that will probably (assuming they don't find a way out of it - and, let's face it, they probably will and then my rates will go through the roof but it won't matter because I won't be driving anymore anyway 'cause my car would have just been totaled and insurance sort of becomes a moot issue at that point anyway...) seem like a good deal for the cost. On the dark side, if my rent check hits the bank before tomorrow…it’s gonna bounce and there aint a blessed thing I can do to stop it (here's hoping that, even if it does bounce, I'll still have a place to live next month...even if it ends up costing me twice as much as usual...and hey, what's money for anyway...). Let’s all keep our fingers crossed for me (for the best of an incredibly stupid self-induced situation, k)?

Questionable reality...

You entered: Rebecca Louise Seifert
There are 20 letters in your name.
Those 20 letters total to 92
There are 10 vowels and 10 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 11

The characteristics of #11 are:
High spiritual plane, intuitive, illumination, idealist, a dreamer.
The expression or destiny for #11:Your Expression number is 11. The number 11 is the first of the master numbers. It is associated with idealistic concepts and rather spiritual issues. Accordingly, it is a number with potentials that are somewhat more difficult to live up to. You have the capacity to be inspirational, and the ability to lead merely by your own example. An inborn inner strength and awareness can make you an excellent teacher, social worker, philosopher, or advisor. No matter what area of work you pursue, you are very aware and sensitive to the highest sense of your environment. Your intuition is very strong; in fact, many psychic people and those involved in occult studies have the number 11 expression. You possess a good mind with keen analytical ability. Because of this you can probably succeed in most lines of work, however, you will do better and be happier outside of the business world. Oddly enough, even here you generally succeed, owing to your often original and unusual approach. Nonetheless, you are more content working with your ideals, rather than dollars and cents.
The positive aspect of the number 11 expression is an always idealistic attitude. Your thinking is long term, and you are able to grasp the far-reaching effects of actions and plans. You are disappointed by the shortsighted views of many of your contemporaries. You are deeply concerned and supportive of art, music, or of beauty in any form.

The negative attitudes associated with the number 11 expression include a continuous sense of nervous tension; you may be too sensitive and temperamental. You tend to dream a lot and may be more of a dreamer than a doer. Fantasy and reality sometimes become intermingled and you are sometimes very impractical. You tend to want to spread the illumination of your knowledge to others irrespective of their desire or need.

Your Soul Urge number is: 1
A Soul Urge number of 1 means: Your Soul Urge is the number 1. With a Soul Urge number of 1, you want to lead and direct, to work independent of supervision, by yourself or with subordinates. You take pride in you abilities and want to be recognized for them. You may seek opportunities to display your strength and usefulness, wanting to create and originate. In your desire to manage the big picture and the main issues, you may often leave the details to others.
The positive 1 Soul Urge is Ambitious and determined, a leader seeking opportunities. There is a great deal of honesty and loyalty in this character. If you possess positive 1 Soul Urge qualities, you are very attainment oriented and driven to success. You are a loyal friend and strictly fair in your business dealings.

The negative side of the 1 Soul Urge must be avoided. A negative 1 is apt to dominate situations and people; the home, the spouse, the family and the business. Emotions aren't strong in this nature. If you possess an excess of 1 energy, you may, at times, be boastful and egotistic. You must avoid being too critical and impatient of trifles. The great need of the 1 Soul Urge is the development of friendliness, and a sincere interest in people.

Your Inner Dream number is: 3

An Inner Dream number of 3 means: You dream of artistic expression; writing, painting, music. You would seek to more freely express your inner feeling and obtain more enjoyment from life. You also dream of being more popular, likable, and appreciated.

Flabbing (yes flabbing!) in the breeze...

I had a great first line all set up for this and now I can’t even recall what it was I was planning on talking about here. Typical…I really should write these things down when they occur to me. I’ve spent the last several hours trying to get my brain to offer it up again but it seems to be permanently buried…sigh…

My big news is that I’m wearing a sleeveless shirt in public (public public as opposed to family/friends public)…wasn’t originally in my plans for the day but a wardrobe crises this morning sort of forced the issue. I have a co-worker who I must reluctantly admit has been an inspiration to me in this matter. It has been years on years since I voluntarily bared my upper arms outside my own home and the occasional family gathering but now, I have decided to give up this particular inhibition. With the possible exception of any event at which one might expect to find a camera…you too could be seeing my flabby upper arms…aren’t you the lucky one eh? At least I get to be a little more comfortable in my own skin…huzzah for me ;-)…and that’s ultimately all that really matters as far as I’m concerned!

I’m so tired of giving under the weight of my society’s disapproval…such crap! I’m tired of ugly fabrics covered in hideous patterns, of walking into stores knowing there is nothing there that will fit me, of the constant sort of anxiety/resentment over what ‘one size fits all’ is supposed to mean when it certainly doesn’t fit me, of the idea that, because I’m significantly overweight, I don’t deserve nice clothes, of the assumption that because I don’t fit the usual pattern there must be something pitiable/detestable about me.

There’s a kind of appeal in not fitting the mold, I won’t be denying that, but I’m not recommending this particular method. It costs too much when it comes down to it. I’m 29 years old and my knees are already starting to hurt, my back aches every day, I’m tired almost all the time, and I can’t climb the 2 flights of stairs to my apartment without getting out of breath even though I go up and down them more than once a day. People talk about hiking or camping or white water rafting and the first thing I think rather than ‘oooo that sounds fun!’ is either, ‘I don’t think I could survive/enjoy that’ or ‘do they even make wet suites in my size?’ or (perhaps more importantly) ‘could I live with being seen in a wet suit?’ even one that fits me?...No, this particular avenue to non-conformity is no bargain at any price. Trust me on this, just in case it’s something you’ve been considering – if the devil is in the details, he’s in heaven over this one…