The Greater Good

I am hesitating to write about this even though it’s been on my mind off and on since it happened. I find it disturbing and not a little ugly so I think I don’t really want to examine it too closely. As an example of the urge to destroy that which does not fit into your particular world few, it highlights my own lack of tolerance as much as anything and that, I suppose is what I find most disturbing. So, without further teasing…a man I work with came to my desk and asked me if he could take care of a problem for me. Not unusual for him though his tone this time was somewhat more urgent that I’m used to. This particular co-worker is somewhat….challenged, mentally but is certainly capable of conducting a more or less normal life. He does admin work for whoever needs it, basically, and he’s quite good at it. In fact, he makes my work life much easier overall as he does a lot of the tedious though necessary tasks associated with benefits administration. He is generally quite agreeable and, despite being irritating from time to time with the jokes he’s in the habit of telling (constantly), I have enjoyed him as a co-worker I don’t actually know very well. What I do know is that he is heavily involved with his church – going to Russia at least twice a year for missionary work and that sort of thing, his conversation often peppered with references to the Lord and such...you know – an extremely devout person that seems to be blessed/cursed the mentality common among young teenagers – the ones who assume everyone feels the same about things as they do, knows what they know and believes what they believe, that the world we live in is such a place where everyone knows what’s right, what’s wrong and what’s just stupid – that sort of thing. Anyone who deviates is obviously just…misinformed or deliberately going the wrong way and so, worthy of disdain, even pity. Mostly harmless and vaguely offensive in his unawareness of the differences around him, I’ve never really given his faith more than the notice to know it’s there and to avoid tripping over it. So, this co-worker comes to me and says he wants to take care of a problem for me. Not knowing what problem it is he thinks I have (and, as he’s given to jokes about these kinds of things), I smile as is my usual response and ask him what he believes I need help with. He replies that he’d like to take down some pictures J- left hanging at his desk. Now, first, his tone in asking coupled with the look on his face made me slightly uncomfortable but it was the look in his eyes when, with my permission, he went after the pictures that really disturbed me. They had that bright penny, fanatic gleam that looks closer to evil than anything else – at least to my mind. It was the evil that I’d expect to see in the eyes of a mob, or those of the inquisitors of The Inquisition, or those of the Nazi’s – that evil. An absolute surety that the action they’re about to take is not only needful, but justified for the safety and comfort of all…at least the ‘all’ that makes up ‘us.’ The way it strikes me is humanity reverting to an instinct so basic, so flawed, so…unavoidable, that we struggle still to get past it and, for the most part, fail utterly every time we’re tested. Survival means ‘us’ being ahead of ‘them’ at any cost, whatever that looks like. It’s a bullsh*t instinct but, there it is. As a species we seem unable, or maybe just unwilling, to get past it. The greater good for all in the long run is so much less appealing than the best good for ‘us’ right now...especially as we are equally incapable of determining what that greater good should actually mean. Anyway, my co-worker, with this gleam in his eye, begins to take these pictures down all the time muttering about the evil they represent, about how he’s so happy to be able to rid us of this evil influence, this sinister view. And, he’s not just taking them down, he’s twisting them into little balls, he’s ripping them into tiny pieces, he’s demolishing them as much as possible without actually reducing them to ash. The whole time he’s all but vibrating with the joy of his destruction, the righteousness of his actions. I don’t believe I’ve been so disturbed by anything in the recent and, really, much in the not so recent past. Watching him, I both feared and hated whatever it is that grants him his complete and utter lack of tolerance for anything that doesn’t fit into his extremely narrow world view. And that is where I run headlong into the same damn attitude in myself that so angers and frightens me in others. I believe what I believe because that’s the ‘right’ thing to believe in as far as I’m concerned and, while the idea that other people don’t necessarily share my beliefs is familiar and true in my experience, there is still a part of me that feels that they’re being deliberately blind because, given the same facts, shouldn’t they reach the same conclusions? Manifestly not and still, still I feel, ever so slightly, like a better person for coming to the ‘correct’ conclusion and a bit self-congratulatory about my willingness to let others hold their own, however ‘incorrect,’ opinions, without feeling the need to point out the errors in their conclusions, their obviously faulty reasoning. I can be the bigger person because I’m right and they’re wrong and, ultimately, that’s all that actually matters. So, I find it difficult to climb up on my high-horse (he keeps shying away from my hypocritical self) and judge this co-worker for his complete intolerance despite my abhorrence of his glee and my absolute disagreement with his judgment about these pictures and their supposedly evil subject matter. I don’t, and am not likely to ever, find that subject matter even remotely evil and I think he’s beyond wrong and heading into evil himself with his absolutist views. My horse will not let me climb up because, if it were in my power, I would force him to change his beliefs to suit my views without a moment’s hesitation and I’d do it with the conviction that I’d be doing him the favor.