Under the weather

I had a great entry, full of clever turns of phrase designed for your reading pleasure all ready to go and the computer ate it when I tried to post it…grrrrh. I don’t think I’m quite up to recreating the witty account of my morning adventures today…sigh. Enough to say I destroyed a pair of socks and showed up late to work (which, in itself is hardly a new thing), ended up watching the front desk for an hour and deciding that’s the kind of job one could really get a lot of personal shit taken care of doing-who wants to have to focus on doing what they pay you for all day?…that about covers it. You’re gonna have to trust me when I say I would have had you in stitches w/my original composition built around these bare bones events. No….really.

So. My latest thought to think about is this whole vegetarian thing. Basically, I’ve been mulling over the idea of giving up meat in general though not exactly specifically…that doesn’t actually make any sense does it? The thought goes like this – I’m going to stop purchasing/fixing meat products for/in my home as a first step and gradually phase meat out in the rest of my life as it seems reasonable. I have a few reason as to why this seems like a good idea: one – it’s cheaper, two-it seems cleaner (yes, I’m aware this is mostly bull-sh*t-but we’re talking impressions here), three-I think I might have better luck on the health front by removing meat as a central feature in my diet (again, probably bull-sh*t in practice but – impressions folks, impressions) and four (and really the most important)-I’ve been having difficulty w/the slaughtering process as a concept much less as a reality my eating habits tend to support. It’s not that I have any great ‘save-the-poor-animals’ complex or anything though it does have something to do with the assembly-line nature of meat production these days. It occurs to me that, if I am wholly unwilling to actually take part in the slaughter of a cow or a chicken or any animal beyond a fish, maybe it’s a bit hypocritical to eat the product of said slaughter…I don’t know but that’s where my thoughts have been circling for awhile now. I hesitate to commit myself to this as, as an experiment, I seem to do alright not eating meat for about 2 to 2 ½ days and then I lose my mind and have a big juicy hamburger or something along that line like a junkie feeding her habit…including the rush of excitement and good feelings followed almost immediately by the crash and sense of failure…I somehow think if I seriously decided to do this and broke down and bought a hamburger anyway I’d have to lose faith in my ability to police my own actions…pretty much, historically, I do okay with anything but saying no on things I want…you know – my budget mostly exists to track what I spend rather than put any real guidelines in place to control it…I could be headed for trouble w/the whole ‘no meat’ thing, I’m thinkin’…I might have to admit to a certain lack in my character – you know, the whole controlling impulses thing…as in I can’t…not when control conflicts with my desire to do or have something I know I shouldn’t or have decided not to do or have…yeah…